Rube Catalogue: Declare Your Love

Mr. B Yates of Pikeville, KY wrote to Rube Catalogue asking for our help. Here is his sad tale:

Dear Rube Catalogue,

Following a successful party, at which we laughed soberly over my new board game and the funny drawings of Al Gore’s big loser face, myself and Jeremy were left alone and got into a very deep discussion. He’d recently landed himself on some gay Porn site (can I say Porn in print?) on the net and after telling me how sick it was, all full of naked unpatriotic men, some of them French (eugh) asked me if I ever masturbated.

I didn’t know what to say. Of course I did, everyone does, my father had told me when he showed me how, but my fantasies had become more and more deviant. I once thought of a girl that could have been Monica Lewinski…naked on a beach that could have been an Iraqi desert. Dreams are ambiguous…what did that mean?

Jeremy was so proud of his George Bush thoughts while stroking his member to excitement each morning before work that I felt ashamed. He told me that all of his friends fantasised about Mr. President and were very proud of it. What was wrong with me? Did I not love our president enough? Why was I so ashamed? Why did I pull my little plum in the dark, sobbing into my American flag pillowcase while reciting the pledge of allegiance, but was never able to show that patriotism to my friends and colleagues? I was so jealous of Jeremy’s clean jerks that I tried a quick shuffle right there as Jeremy spoke like a Texan in my ear. It was no good. I needed to tell everyone that I was behind the President all the way. That’s why I write to you now, Rube Catalogue…I just don’t know how.

Yours in anticipation

Bri.
Bush Lover and Patriot.


How could we resist such a plea. Well, Mr. Yates, here it is. Declare your masturbatory malfunctions with the “I Love My President” Bumper Sticker. Suits any pick up or SUV.

$2.00 for the first wanker that wants it.