A reading from The Gospel according to Rube

…AND GOD moved his loin cloth three fathoms left to reveal a penis in the shape of a man with pube moustache and curly mullet to piss his message all over the earth, and the piss was music to the ears of Rubes and the man was the Prayer Warrior. YEA did the fetid amber stinkwater flow, for GOD had drank in the prayers of rubes worldwide and oh did his holy bladder ache, and the man was born of human mother, but unlike JESUS the mother did fuck a man, and the child was born not in Nazareth, but in Paducah, Kentucky, and LO he was named Eric Horner.

FOR TWO score years, through war and marriage did GOD’s frothy pissmusic spew from the warrior’s mouth bringing joy to the ears of Rubes across the rube nation and the nation was America. YEA did the prophet Brian prophesy a climactic end to the music and the Warrior wept in his ineptitude, failing to bring the steamy message to the world. But LO there came days, as prophesied by Brian, days in which the pissing stopped, and the music became one with GOD.

YEA was Jessica Lynch captured, YEA was she saved by the rube army of America and LO did GOD shake off the man-dick that is Eric, sending the last driplets of the old smellnoise earthward. Further shakes did transform the penis man and he stood erect as the shuffling of GOD’s hand and the thought of the young woman, bound and gagged and patriotic made the final song that would unite the rubes, holy cocksmell music to rube ears, and GOD gave a thunderous gasp as the new testament of spunksound soared to heaven, then crashed to earth…and “She is a hero” did cum from Eric’s mouth. And the rubes rejoiced.