The Military Sibling Rube

Further to Trey Wheeler's excellent rebuttal of our newest rube's analysis of the incident in which U.S. soldiers fired upon Iraqi protesters, it should also be said that, when our Starsnstripes Rube declares that

What al-Jazeera (and to a certain extent, America's liberal media) is charging is rediculous. Our troops firing on those people would be like a police force here at home opening fire on a group of anti-American protestors without being revoked. It just dosen't happen!

He exposes himself as so foolishly naive. Maybe our rube should open a fucking history book and read about Kent State University in 1968. Or San Francisco during the most recent protests. Ah, the Military Rube. Or worse, the Military Sibling Rube. What's more, young Starsnstripes Rube, is that these weren't "Anti-American" protestors - whatever that means, anyway. They were simply protesting a war, and if protesting a war makes one "Anti-American", then Bush's friends and history's greatest Republicans are sounding awfully Russian to me.

But we forgive you, Starsnstripes. Like the lion that kills the gazelle, the bear that shits in the woods, it's simply in your nature. Where the Military Rube eventually goes to war and realizes it's all bullshit. The Military Sibling Rube, often finds himself stuck behind the patriotic safety net of his brother, the fighting machine. This, Rube Watchers, is a very dangerous rube. With a sibling off "being all he can be", to borrow a favorite slogan of the rube's trusted military, in foreign lands, the Military Sibling Rube lurks around his natural habitat, spewing all the empty, nationalistic, pro-war garbage he can memorize without fear of reprisal for his own inability to "walk the walk", to borrow a common Military Sibling Rube phrase.

Notably, the Military Sibling Rube has little shame, which is a sign of desperation, which hints at a profound self-loathing. It is at this stage that the Military Sibling Rube becomes the Suicide Ruber, wearing down those around him with his simplistic ignorance while, thus, throwing himself further into the darkness with diminishing hope for recovery.

Rube Watch is currently issuing a Code Orange Alert given the rise in reported "chatter" among Military Sibling Rubes following the war in Iraq. The Military Sibling Rubes are regrouping, and Suicide Rubings will occur. Rube Watch asks you to please stay vigilant.

How to spot a Military Sibling Rube:

1. Curious headgear.
2. Scabs on the knuckles.
3. Poor spelling habits.
4. The Military Sibling Rube's shirt is often a dead giveaway.

Military Sibling Rubes of note:

- Fritz Hitler
- Peter "Pinky" Stalin
- Kyle Washington
- Dave the Also Great
- "Lattice Fence" Jackson
- Randy Caesar
- Matthew Kennicott

Et tu?

Let's all salute the Military Sibling Rube.

Rube Update!